Covered In Dust

September 11, 2011 § Leave a comment

There’s a hesitation in writing these blogs. I’ve already acknowledged I have several health problems.. some sort of illness that prevents me from a lot of things. Even as I write now, is a struggle within itself. But it’s something I live with through each and every day. So the last thing I want through my blogging is some sort of venting process. Makes it even harder knowing that the people I care about most are keeping up in reading this with genuine care and concerns. At the same time I’m writing with the honesty in what I go through. A lot of being in pain that creates dark things causing damage mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. I have to remind myself that I started these blogs to make an environment that is liberating, being realistic. Even if that means through the times I write I’m not being honest with myself only to soon realize how selfish I was and learn from that mistake. I needed to recognize that as often as I would like to write everyday, there isn’t always going to be some revelation or self realization. That some days I’m going to be too sick to even gather a sentence together let alone write.  It’s too often I hold back or let go of a lot of things because of all this junk that I go through. I have the same response to my art as I do to my music, photography and now writing. I have to accept the fact that it wont be as it once was. Without taking a step after another in those passions I would of never known how much of a passion it was begin with. Sometimes we just need to start over, and I’m sure for these things that may be the case. Am I willing to fight for it. More importantly for the truth. It seems like every time I fall down it’s harder to get back up. At this point it feels like my arms and legs are too weak to do so, being covered in dust.

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